The Strength of Stories - Our Own and Our Children’s
Episode 53: The Strength of Stories – Our Own and Our Children’s
We happily welcomed Pam Laricchia, Anna Brown and Erika Ellis from www.livingjoyfully.ca to discuss the topic of Stories. Pam, Anna and Erika have spoken in depth about the nuances and choices within the stories we tell both ourselves and others. In this conversation we explore what it is about looking at things through the lens of stories, and the flexibility within those stories, that is so powerful, how the past stories that we carry about ourselves and our children impact the way we see things and show up in our role as parent. We also talk about how we can support our children in the way they see or tell their stories.
We Discuss:
Stories as being integrated into life itself
That stories are not just facts, but the way that people interpret things through their own lens and experience
How we are “writing” stories all the time as a way of making sense of the world and who we are within it
Stories as both powerful and empowering
Opening up to understanding the differences in our experiences rather than assuming a hard sense of who is right and who is wrong
The element of choice in the way we see things and tell our stories
The value of setting our own experience aside for a moment and taking the time to listen and value someone else’s experience
Facilitating listening and the value of each other’s stories among siblings
That as kids we often weren’t introduced to the idea of looking at stories from various perspectives
The different ways that people can experience the same facts
That it’s not always necessary with young children to get to the bottom of things and decide “who started it,” etc
Being heard as leading to a greater capacity to listen — the need to be listened to and heard and have a sense that our voice matters
Stories that are handed to us in some way from others, the world, etc
Getting stuck seeing things through a particular lens
Getting curious about stories that have a lot of words such as “always” and “never” and recognizing the fullness of a story eg.the beauty that still exists within a dark or difficult time
Getting playful with stories and how we frame them even for ourselves – the fun and freedom of curiosity as a tool to look for possibilities
Stories that we take in through the school system about what we’re good at and what we like
The impact of comments from other people and yet the reality that what people say and think tells us so much more about them
Th heaviness of imagining the impact we might have on others and being gentle and realistic with ourselves in our imperfections
Being conscious of framing our stories as our own — one way to see things, thereby leaving lots of room for our kids and others to share their perspectives
The importance of watching the stories we tell about our children to others and not boxing them into the limits of labels and narratives
The power of the willingness of parents to change their story of their children and not to get stuck in earlier assumptions
The value of pausing to process when our kids have stories about their childhood or a dynamic between us that’s hard for us to hear
That holding that space open for our children to express themselves offers them the opportunity to hear their story out loud when it has maybe been spinning in their head
How stories change as people change and humans all have a multitude of stories as new experiences come up
The difference that validation and deep listening make to our children, and to ourselves within our own families of origin
That validating doesn’t mean agreement or complete alignment, but rather a willingness to hear and see things through the other person’s eyes
The beauty of our child feeling safe enough to express difficult things
The time that processing can take
That whoever our child is right now is who they are … there can often be grief with changes
Finding other people rather than our children themselves to process our grief and uncertainty with
The different ways we can look at things but that our children aren’t always ready for or interested in other possibilities in a given moment
Children coming to an understanding of their processing through their own experiences
The versions of stories our children tell about their lives and learning (what they are doing during a homeschooling or unschooling day) that are easiest for us as parents
Narrating some our own thoughts and insecurities at times
Asking our kids how they would like us to respond when they tend to circle back with consistent questions or concerns
Connection and how it runs much deeper than time together or shared activities
Slowing down to see the gifts in the moment which helps with writing a fuller story
Stories as tools for our own self-care, mental health and well-being
Noticing where we might be trying to meet a need through the way we tell a particular story
Practical ideas for opening up communication when kids seem to have something they might like to share, eg, kinesthetic opportunities, speaking through a third party like a stuffed animal, texting, leaving space for a full or long story
Resources:
Exploring Unschooling Podcast Episode 404: Foundations: Stories
Taking a Kinder Path – The Power of Words and the Stories We Tell Ourselves