Parents Can’t Teach Their Children Everything and That’s Okay
Episode 54: Parents Can’t Teach Their Children Everything and That’s Okay
This isn’t a criticism of the abilities of home educating parents, but instead reassurance for all parents that there is no need to take all of the things on. Children being taught everything ahead of time isn’t how deep and meaningful learning usually happens.
At the same time, it’s not a conversation about “hands-off” parenting — far from it! Instead it’s a reminder of the roles that our presence, relationship and belief in children play as we walk alongside them (and ahead as needed) in their development.
In this discussion, we look at the pressure that parents are under to prepare their kids for various stages of childhood and adulthood, as well as the pressure kids feel to live a life of “getting prepared” for future stages. It is neither possible nor necessary.
We really enjoyed the directions this topic took us in and hope you will too. Join us as we think it through!
We Discuss:
Messages that tell parents what they “need” to teach their children
Variables and nuances that affect skills such as budgeting
How much we naturally do together with our kids in everyday life
The many day to day decisions that our kids actually get to be part of
That people are quite capable of learning new things as they need them
Looking at how many things we’ve learned outside of parental instruction
Relevance and how things often don’t stick if they aren’t of use or interest in the moment
How realistically, we don’t do things just for the sake of doing things
Independence in comparison to interdependence
That many skills are related to values and preferences — we might show our children a certain way of doing laundry or grocery shopping but their values and preferences may lead them to do things quite differently
How technology and norms change and the systems we show our children might end up outdated pretty quickly
The drive to prepare children for self-reliance by a certain age when in reality, we all share information and sometimes ask for assistance with things
Remembering that ideally our children will be interconnected with other people and can skill-share
How there are certain safety skills that do make sense to solidify but so many things are low-risk and are more effectively figured out as they go
That we know our individual child and when they are asking for/more comfortable with more preparation
Our urge to protect our child from criticism and ourself from having our parenting criticized for lack of preparation
The difficulty in predicting when a life skill will be necessary
Leaving space for kids to come to things in their own time and to learn in their own way and how meaningful that can be
That it’s ok that we don’t offer or expose our kids to everything – they can take some responsibility for their learning
The huge expectation and responsibility that parents hold in comparison to times in the past – modern parenting as a verb rather than just simply a role
How it’s nice to take on our role as parent seriously but it’s helpful to also acknowledge how many pressures there now can be
The rise of structured activities leading to a decline in kids organizing themselves and developing free play
Reminding ourselves not to see children as our projects
That relationship can endure beyond formal “parenting” years and there is still time to help our young people beyond the age of 18 or 20
The rise in parents accessing tutors for their young elementary school children
Bribery, reward and frustration during the learning process and what that does to a child’s psyche over time
The pressures on parents that transfer to pressure on kids from parents
The natural concern that kids might have about whether they will know all there is to know when they’re grown-up and how we can support and encourage rather than feed into that fear
Resources:
A Lifetime for Learning – Parents Don’t Need to Offer Everything, Ever Learning
Reflecting on the Process of Self-Directed Learning, Ever Learning
On Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is There a Gentler Way? Ever Learning
Episode 25: Self-Directed Learning Beyond Academics
Episode 52: Does Teaching Have a Place in Self-Directed Education?
Why I’m Divesting from Parenting, Fran Liberatore, A Life Unschooled Substack