Resentment - Our Feelings Toward Other Homeschool Parents, our Spouses and Children, and How We Can Move Through Them
Episode 49: Resentment – Our Feelings Toward Other Homeschool Parents, our Spouses and Children, and How We Can Move Through Them
We discuss the topic of ‘Resentment’ which initially sounded a bit unpleasant, but there was real peace and clarity in being honest about our very human experiences of walking the line between what we need or wish for ourselves and what others are doing or potentially asking of us. We explore feelings of resentment that come up toward other parents, people in our lives, our spouses and, most interestingly, our children and role of mother at times AND what they have to teach us as we move through them.
We Discuss:
Where the idea of conscious parenting comes into play when examining and moving through resentment
‘Highlight reels’ on social media
That just because we feel something about something someone has shared, doesn’t mean they’re wrong
Being conscious of the varying circumstances in our own life
The benefit of in-person connection and being able to talk to just a person or two about challenges versus sharing online
The value of talking to ourselves and moving those thoughts out
That slow living isn’t perfect, always ideal or even a fit for all personalities
That as wonderful as slow living can be, in other ways, it can actually lead to boredom and loneliness at times
How contentment can seem hard to come by
Acknowledging the pieces of our life that we’re choosing versus the pieces we have less choice over
Trying to be aware of how we feel and what choices we have within that
Choosing not to consume content that is not serving us in the moment
Getting curious and reflective if we do choose to take something in
The gift of developing self-reflection and accountability and of those being a benefit to our other relationships as well
Whether we can get lost in all the parenting jargon
The prevalence of resentment and digging in to one’s own perspective in the world – workplace, relationships, families, neighbours
The benefit of just setting aside some time on our own or with a trusted person and naming our feelings out loud
That we really never fully know how another person feels
Trusting that other people are doing what they need to do for themselves in any given moment rather than assuming what we might do in a similar situation
Normalizing how messy life can be
How sometimes the things other people might imagine we would feel resentful about, aren’t things we feel resentful about it all, but in fact, conscious choices we’ve made and accepted (the intensity of attachment parenting)
“Ambiguous resentment” or “free-floating resentment”
Working through our own triggers as our children move into adolescence and adulthood
Other people’s concerns about what might be too much for us
Noticing where we are with our health, in our cycles, with our energy
Potential resentment around helping (or not) around the house
How conscious parenting is not necessarily a solution-based life – there are so many possibilities
How there may be a “rub” between considering our own self-care and some earlier attachment parenting and radical unschooling conversations
Getting lost in the language of “rights” – the line between someone overstepping on our time and space and something that is actually just triggering to us due to assumptions or experiences
The strong necessity for increased self-reflection once our kids are adults and their choices are more and more their own
Learning to hold thoughts and feelings to ourselves and giving those time to simmer AND ALSO being aware that there will a a degree of cost to keeping them in (it might be helpful to process or find an outlet somewhere)
Creating an openness and safety for our children in earlier years so that there’s a normalcy to them coming to us when needed or wished
Imagining whether some of the peace and rest our children enjoy is accessible to us
Guilt and fear when we wonder whether or not we should be asking more of our kids
The very interesting ways that things often work themselves out
How just stating our need can often be enough for people to give us that space, time and support
That there’s space in a solid, consistent relationship for us to overstep or under-respond at times as we work out what the best thing would be
The expectations we place on ourselves and the projections we often make about them
The high school years, carpooling and supporting social opportunities
How busyness and intensity of parenting, even in positive ways, can lead to depletion and exhaustion once we’re in a more settled time
How feeling pieces of resentment doesn’t necessarily mean regret – it might just be natural processing
The lack of acknowledgement of the effort involved in intentional parenting and homeschooling and what we do with our thoughts or feelings around that
How thinking of our role of parent and home educator as a job and serious responsibility can help defuse resentment
How due to the frequency we do things and the positive attitude we often do them with, people around us may assume we fully enjoy and always want to be doing those things
The mix of feelings and thoughts we have about the things we do
Our ability to say no to something without articulating a specific reason even to ourself
Resources:
7 Reasons to Talk to Yourself Out Loud | Psychology Today Canada
On Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is There a Gentler Way? – Ever Learning
Basil and Honey Newsletter, The weaving together of our stories – by Anna Hewitt