As Kids Get Older …
Is learning that is expressed through play still relevant as kids become older? Do we see differences in the way that “older kid” play is expressed depending on personality?
In The Personality of Play – Part One, I wrote about how fun I’ve found it to watch the way different kids play with the same things or engage with the same topic. In Part Two, I dove into how fascinating it has been to see learning come out through play, particularly in relation to personality.
How does this all look as kids get older? Well, sometimes quite different.
A few thoughts to start …
When kids are younger, their physical energy can seem boundless. Many enjoy lots of movement and are often quite uninhibited in their physical play.
Their curiosity can seem endless. Questions, questions and more questions seem to be the name of the game, especially at certain ages. It’s not difficult to see how much they’re learning and what ideas they’re developing.
Their willingness to try new things can seem wide open. Think of being at a demonstration at the zoo or a magician show at the library and a request for volunteers is made. Often, many kids have their hands up, hoping to be chosen, sometimes very enthusiastically. Even children who are not as eager to be in front of a crowd often try their hand at quieter activities quite readily.
Their sense of self is still in the earlier stages of development, so their interests can often be quite varied. It’s not unusual for young children to be learning to swim, ride a bike, read, study ballet, cook, play soccer or any other number of things.
It’s easy to see their learning, their interests and their enjoyment. Abundant questions and creative, verbal and physical output give us confidence that there is a whole lot happening within that small person.
We can also see their personalities shining through in the different angles they come at things. Some want to share what they’re discovering with others in a quiet way, others yearn to perform and others still, prefer to play more privately, with a rich world developing in their own mind. Some like to play in an organized way and put things back in their place as they move along, and others like to incorporate wide ranges of toys and materials into the same activity.
As kids reach the teen years, though, their natural rhythms change and they often winnow their interests and activities down. This can create the appearance of single-mindedness. In the case of teens whose interests aren’t well understood or respected, it can lead to labels such as “lazy” or “obsessed” or even “addicted,” a word we hear attached to avid video gaming.
Sleep patterns often change so that parents and teens may not even be awake for as many common hours during the day.
It can be harder to “see” the learning. It often accumulates privately and isn’t always verbalized or physically shown.
So, in the midst of this shift in energy and focus…
Is self-directed learning still happening? Is it happening in these years that we most associate with structured classes, credits and formal learning?
Is learning still expressed through what could be considered play?
Do the unique ways that young children engage in play according to their personalities now show themselves in emerging adults?
I think the answers to those questions are yes, yes and yes:).
Self – directed learning is definitely happening. It might just look different and it is quite often not as obvious.
Although their physical energy often shifts, older kids and teens sometimes channel physical energy into one or just a few particular sports or activities. They still do express themselves physically though and sometimes it’s nice to set things up in ways in which they have that opportunity.
For example, when my kids were younger, they would not feel self-conscious just leaping through the air or running around the backyard for the sake of it. Any number of toys or items could serve a purpose in their play. This was a less frequent occurrence as they got older. As they reached the teen years, it was helpful to work together to set things up that gave them a physical outlet based on their interests. Basketball nets, skateboard ramps, bikes and a trampoline, asking to play a game of frisbee… again, this looks different according to personality but it’s helpful to have something concrete to anchor physical activity.
And that boundless curiosity that young children tend to have? As my kids got older, I found their curiosity changed from question after question after question, to wondering aloud, making observations and asking some questions. One extremely quiet teen here seems to figure out almost all her questions on her own, doing her own research on whatever comes to mind self-sufficiently. Every now and then, a question or comment pops up that is just so well-defined and I think, whoa … that line of thinking has been developing a long time without me realizing it.
Their willingness to try new things can change as well. It isn’t necessarily that they aren’t willing at all – they might just be choosier and more discerning about what they’d like to invest their time in. Again, certain personalities in particular might be more self-conscious about things like spontaneously getting up in front of a crowd, while others might love it, but generally speaking, that “pick me, pick me” waving of the arm in the air to volunteer for something is not a common occurrence, and for practical reasons. They are becoming young adults, they have picked up on new social cues and their energy is changing.
Their learning is often much more private, and sometimes at levels that aren’t easily explainable or visible to us and others. When my kids were little, I could quickly see that a certain colour of finger paint was getting low and reach to replenish it. When they were younger readers, I could load up a bunch of novels from the library and strew them on our big wooden box and often something would “take.” Now, I have ideas that they are sometimes interested in but, for the most part, my kids are at a much higher level of learning in their own interests than I am.
As time has gone on, carpentry, sketching techniques, graphic art, music composition, online gaming, streaming, classical ballet, vocal music, guitar, entire series of documentaries, certain elements of theology, basketball, skateboarding, snowboarding, fantasy novels, mystery novels, and most recently, herb propagation without soil, repurposing furniture, home decor and stock market research are all things being learned about here where the particular knowledge or skill is beyond what I can quickly engage in conversation about. Whew! Maybe I take back that bit about them not being quite as willing to try new things…
I can stay respectful and involved and offer food, rides and moral support. I can set aside time to chat with them and watch and better understand, but at this stage of the game, even kids who previously wanted lots of observation, partnership and questions answered, often are more independent in their learning process. If I listen, I get sound bites and can ask questions if they seem open.
Their sense of self or identity is really in the full swing of developing now and they are trying on different ways of being, but each one carries a bit more weight than it did in earlier years. It’s one thing to go try some childhood soccer or basketball practices or teams when you’re little. It’s another to commit as an older kid when the expenses and time commitments are often much greater and when those activities are much more likely to define or impact identity. It doesn’t mean they don’t try new things but just that there is usually more thinking through involved. For example, a young child trying out a scooter or small skateboard at a skatepark has a really different feel to it than a teen who walks up to the same park, filled with others who have been practicing for years and who have crafted a certain style. For younger kids, everything is fresh for the trying without too many strings. As kids get older, there is a certain degree of identity attached to activities. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a reality and a natural awareness that they develop in these years.
Is learning still expressed through what could be considered play?
Again, yes. If we define play as Wikipedia does in saying that play is,“a range of intrinsically motivated activities done for recreational pleasure and enjoyment” or, in the words of Play Scotland, “What children and young people do when they follow their own ideas, in their own way and for their own reasons” (Getting Serious About Play, DCMS), then the different ways they continue to develop skills, knowledge and ideas are definitely play.
Imagine you pull into a community centre parking lot and casually notice some young guys skateboarding, with a few others chatting and others still looking at their phones. It could definitely be defined as play, but what not many people would see it as, is a learning opportunity. Physics? Strategy? Estimation? Art? Videography? Photography? Physical conditioning? Mechanics? Healthy socialization? Really??
What if you spend a bit more time, though, and find out that these guys have been spending large amounts of time thinking through weather conditions and their effect on the concrete or metal? They are constantly working with speed and mass and friction and gravity. They experiment with different candles and melting techniques to wax their boards or surfaces with. They work on posture, position and movement just as carefully as a dancer does. What if you realize that they aren’t simply “on their phones,” whatever that even means these days, but replaying footage they are getting for one another and deciding whether to try different lighting or angles? What if you know that they all do their own assembling and mechanics and there is frequent chatting about pricing and percentages of sales for boards and other items?
And what if one of the most positive things is the supportive sense of community? These guys aren’t competing against one another or trying to outdo each other. They are sharing tips and exchanging compliments. They are encouraging their friends, as well as new people, to try new challenges. They are teaching and mentoring one another. Best of all, they are learning a ton about healthy interaction and working both together and alone.
Then, imagine a 14 year old girl lying on a bed on a breezy day. She’s relaxed, looking at her phone. Glancing from a distance, some might describe it as a lazy afternoon. An afternoon of not doing much at all. If you looked more closely, though, you might see that a YouTube video about growing herbs without soil catches her eye and she is actually watching a step by step tutorial with music. That leads to a video about collecting and propogating indoor plants. This peaks an interest in vintage decor in apartments, complimented by particular plants, which somehow leads to a travel video by a young woman who is giving a personal tour of a trip through Croatia. Her name and accent pique the girl’s interest so she finds out that she is part Irish and part Indonesian. The footage of Croatia is beautiful, so she grabs a globe to remind herself which European countries it’s close to. Right! She remembers that it was one of the countries her choir was going to be touring and checks the proximity to the other countries that were on the list. Somehow this eventually leads back to a final plant video, this time in the context of balcony and patio gardens. Two hours later, she’s in a different room, on the corner of the couch finishing the sketched outline for a painting of a vintage kitchen with various plants and herbs placed throughout. Later that evening, she’s out looking at herbs in the garden to see what might work for trying soil – free propagation.
Finally, think of a 17 year old, looking for a new fiction series to read. He researches here and there for a new fantasy series because he has a good sense of what size of series he wants to begin and the kind of story he likes. He checks out online reviews and local library availability online.
Does the play of earlier years, according to personality, now show itself as they become young adults?
Yes, I have been so interested to see how that’s happened.
G, mentioned in Part One, who set up big picture stories full of animals and organized the intricate games down by the lake, is the same one who, in Part Two, worked with such focus on the letter for the newspaper. A young adult now, he and I were texting a couple of weeks ago when I realized how much he knew about the stock market. He has been researching it and beginning on all sorts of long term investment plans for himself. He has it all “mathed out” as far as regular savings amounts and budget go. It reminded me of all the big picture thinking and playing he had done over the years. G saw the “forest” and then figured out the details of the “trees” to create it. He still does. The more he talked about all he’d been learning and what he was planning, the more the memory of his childhood love of Monopoly, and the seriousness with which he played it, came to mind!
In Part One, I talked about how M enjoyed animals in such a hands-on way. Literally as I was writing the part of the post about how often we visited the snake demonstration at the zoo for him to hear the same information about the snakes, he texted me a photo of him holding a corn snake, so thrilled, followed by several videos. This morning, just I was writing this part, he sent me video of a family of ground hogs (four of them) that he’d found milling around outside, so yes, I definitely see the interests and play of earlier years. The cool thing is that he knew how much I’d enjoy seeing these things as well.
S, who has always loved to explore outdoors and look closely at details, since he was really little, continues to do just that. This afternoon, he noticed the first ripe strawberry in our hanging baskets, as well as a hatched robin’s egg that had fallen. He identified unexpected pumpkin plants and new bunnies. He enjoys capturing nature in pictures.
L, who grabbed, almost desperately, at coloured pencils from her infant seat in the kitchen, and experimented with art from many different directions as a child, still works away, both on canvas, as well as digitally, now that she’s a teenager.
For everybody, early exploration with video and computer games, online research and creating in childhood, has led to really strong technical skills and comfort. It’s also a fun way to communicate now that everyone’s older. Jokes and videos and websites are being group-shared almost all the time so that there is always something of some kind to respond to or comment on but also to become introduced to and learn from. Now, the some of interests of childhood have turned into things they know much more about than we do.
Recently, in putting together a collection of photos to music for a family anniversary, I had the chance to rummage through digital photos of the kids and their cousins from their early years until now. What a joy:). It was so fun to realize that the photos I’d chosen of G as a little guy with his toy cars and NASCAR jacket and hat complimented the photos of his first time driving a go-kart at the track. Then I realized I’d chosen photos of his first drive in the car he’d bought himself. The same interest weaving through the different stages of his life …
The early years of watching my niece create structures and creatures and costumes with so. much. Scotch. tape ( we got her some in bulk one Christmas) made so much sense when I looked at more recent photos of SUCH creative costumes with different themes such as mythology and Caribbean Carnival. Her primary method of connecting materials is now sewing rather than taping:).
Nine years of committed Home Depot workshops, something S was dying to try for fun the month he turned 5, led to such determination of meeting the goal of 100 projects. Right afterward, he began pursuing wood-working in a mentored opportunity with a carpenter. Almost four years later, he continues to enjoy it tremendously. Having been commissioned to build windows (his first time working with glass, with assistance) and also hired from time to time by his mentor for installation jobs, the line between work and play is as wonderfully blurred now as it was in childhood.
It is said that “the proof is in the pudding,” and I have to say that has rung true for me recently! All the busyness, curiosity, exploring and playing, playing, playing of those early years has continued as a thread running through each of them, whether or not I thought much about it at the time.
Play has been an expression of their personality, learning and a continuity of who they are. Many pieces have become woven together and as joyful as it was to watch in the moment, it is fascinating to see so much of it become integrated and continue to bear fruit in the teen and young adult years.
So much fun, this:).
Have you noticed different ways that personality plays out in the older kids in your life? Or maybe you remember how interests and certain kinds of play weaved through the years of your own life?
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