What Does Self-Directed Learning Look Like at a Deeper Level? Five Assumption-Busters for Parents Who Already Know Some Things About SDL

Oct 15, 2026

“Self-directed learning” and its broader associate, “self-directed education,” are commonly known terms within home education. There are some surface-level ideas that people have about these. They often relate to:

• Having autonomy 

• Learning through doing and living rather than standard teaching 

• The parent as facilitator and their supportive role as their child works toward their goals 

However, there are many varied scenarios and nuances embedded into these and even though I’m saying these assumptions are being considered at a “deeper” level, it’s really only a layer or two in. There is much more unpacking we could do.

Still, I’ve been noticing that in self-directed and unschooling conversations, there are enough of these assumptions being mentioned, and even written as absolutes, that it’s worth peeling them back a little bit more. 

So here we go … 

Assumption 1:

Everything is child-led. Parents wait to see what their child is interested in and bring in related opportunities and resources. 

Actuality:

This one is hard because of the actual wording “self-directed,” 😊 (read my thoughts about that here) but it’s more multi-faceted than that. 

All children ultimately drive their own learning, given the reality of their readiness, capacity and willingness.

With intentional self-directed learning, a child has an opportunity to more freely explore their own learning path and move at their own pace but it is in collaboration with parents and in respect of the family as a whole. 

In other words, SDL/unschooling does not = chaos and disrespect of others. 

Assumption 2:

Self-directed learning/unschooling/whole life learning = a Low Demand parenting style. 

Actuality:

Self-directed learning/unschooling/ whole life learning are simply ways of living and learning that don’t rely or favour school-y methods and respect all kinds and areas of learning. 

This CAN mean Low Demand if the family needs this, wants this, or is in a period of burnout, but many families function well with respectful, clearly communicated expectations of themselves and one another.  A family may even have periods of alternating between lower and higher expectations depending on the capacity of any given family member, including parents.

Assumption 3:

Parents strew materials and resources as a way of getting their child to learn something. 

Actuality:

Parents might strew, but it’s for the purpose of bringing joy, acknowledging an interest, or inviting into something new. 

There isn’t worry if the item or invitation isn’t chosen. Learning is often a by-product of being curious, happy and engaged. 

Assumption 4:

If a child wants to learn something specific such as history, science, art, mathematics, essay writing, etc, a curriculum, parents need to find a curriculum or “formal learning” resource.

Actuality: 

A curriculum is simply an organized sequence and structure of a possible way to learn things. It doesn’t guarantee mastery or even much retained learning at all for all children. 

There are all sorts of ways to further learning in a specific area such as mentorships, activities with people who have similar interests, and continued independent study.

But also and somewhat conversely …

Assumption 5:

Fun, Low Demand, non-school-y ways of learning are necessary rather than workbooks or curricula.

Actuality:

Some children (I had one🤚) actually find this way of doing things inauthentic, silly and even sneaky if they are simply aiming to learn a skill. 

They might prefer to work their way through a curriculum or even a sequential workbook as a way of studying something. 

As mentioned, while these offer a deeper look at some commonly held assumptions about self-directed learning, there are always more layers to peel back. Each of these assumptions offer the opportunity for further digging into the “how” and “why” as do many other questions when it comes to this way of living and learning.

Keep joining me here or on the Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast for what seem to be endless thoughts and observations about Self-Directed Learning, or what I like to consider Whole Life Learning.