Episode 39: Home – The Places, the People and Coming Home to Ourselves
We were joined by Bex Tobin Fine, author of the picture book You Are Home and thoroughly enjoyed a conversation with her about the many aspects of home. We tapped into how we define home, where we feel at home, considerations within our home educating lives, how we collaborate with our children in relation to home and, woven into all of that, is how we nurture in ourselves and our children that in a very real sense, we are our own home.
We Discuss:
What comes to mind when we think of home
Coming “home to ourselves” in midlife
Family, safety, familiarity and comfort
Places and parts of routine as feeling like home, eg. forest school
Home beyond a physical place
Loss of a home as a loss of feeling safe
Home as a feeling rather than simply a place, and the flexibility, comfort and safety that comes with that
That we can grieve the loss of one place even if we have another to move into
The assumption that home from the perspective of physical structure means “house” and the value and status given to houses over apartments or RVs or trailers, etc
A bedroom as a safe haven and place to decorate and express oneself
Physical places as spaces that reflect parts of ourselves, connecting aspects of ourselves to places
Insecurities or frustrations around maintaining a level of tidiness or cleanliness in a homeschooling home because we are home more and it’s the centre of creating, living and learning
Places and things as representing comfort and familiarity – for example, kids have a favourite spot to sit or work, people having a favourite chair
Being able to be more creative and productive when we’re feeling safe and that sometimes both we and our kids can get into a better flow in our familiar chairs and booths and spots
Family adjustments when guests come over, taking into consideration both location and relationship
That for homeschool kids, there can be the safety of home where their environment already feels safe so there is less adjustment and learning can happen more easily
Kids finding things at school to attach themselves to that make them feel “at home”
That as adults, we might find our familiarity in the paths or roads we take to work or errands, etc and how that sameness frees up our thinking for other things
Being intentional about our home environment as homeschool families – what kind of comfort or joy can we bring in?
Our ability to impact- both adults and kids – our environment at home in a way that we can’t necessarily at school or work
That the feelings that are attached to places and things can be so powerful
The varied ways that people feel comfortable in a home – fullness versus minimalism, for example, and how we work that out among people
That even the most organized homeschool family can’t be as systematic as school and the benefit of that in learning to navigate and interact with other people outside of the “black and white”
How when kids are able to make decisions in their home, they have a greater sense of feeling they belong
Taking time to dialogue with our kids about what’s working and not working for them and the confidence that builds that their input matters and leads them to feel at home in themselves
The time that it takes to really sort things through with a child and allowing that safe space for the range of emotions
Their sense of comfort coming from within – once comfortable within themself, they can be at home wherever they go
The gift of being comfortable in one’s own company and how many people don’t grow up to be adults who have that comfort, don’t feel enough and how we see the impact of that – looking to objects, chronic busyness, rushed relationships, addiction
How some kids do really feel at home in school if it’s a place that reflects the way they like to learn and their personality
That for kids in school, families can obviously still set up home in ways that carefully consider their family
Secure attachment of kids to parents and whether or how we’re nurturing that
Whether a sense of home in oneself is directly related to having grown up with a secure attachment with parents and caregivers in the early years and throughout childhood
The idea of parents being the first home for the child
Finding a sense of home in various places – the pages of a book, nature and maybe a tree right outside your window – and finding a way to commune with something other than yourself
How it’s still possible to find a way to feel at home in oneself even if a child hasn’t had a strong attachment or has one that has felt broken for periods of time and have felt alone – maybe they find a home within themself in a strong and different way
How beloved things from childhood can be special artifacts of our child’s life that can bring them comfort in times of difficulty or transition
Practical ideas for offering our kids opportunities to contribute to ideas about the home not only in their own personal space but in the home as a whole
The continued figuring out of compromise and collaboration
The distinction between a child having things functionally in the home (their bike or their jacket hanging) versus them really seeing themself and their preferences reflected in the home (their art displayed on a wall rather than the fridge or having something purchased with their input)
Children having a voice and responsibility in relation to family meals and routines – noticing what attachments we might have as parents to things going a certain way
Community as home – the feeling of being part of something bigger than you but that needs you
That maybe Home = part place, part people, part self
Belonging
Neighbours as friends and family by chance and proximity
Feeling at home in online community
Bex’s book – some backstory and the wonderful illustrations by Andres Landazabal that are integral to the book
Resources:
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #27: What is Strewing – Being Intentional
Exploring Unschooling Podcast #189 – Pam Laricchia and Amy Martinez
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-Being Through Creative Practices